Monday, July 16, 2007

Screech Monkey or Tasmanian Devil?

My child seems to have a thing for the lazy susan. If she ever finds this open she sneaks over and starts pulling boxes, cans, and bags out one by one and lining them up on the floor at her feet. She will then inspect each one and find a new home for them where there may be an empty spot on the shelf. She does not eat anything . . . unless she finds the bag of raisins. Then catch her quick! Too many of those and you know what comes next.

Which brings me to her latest achievements. No, she is not potty trained, but she thinks she is! It has happened twice now. I've finally become confidant that she will not rip the toilet paper squares off one by one and throw them all over the bathroom floor, so I stopped worrying too much if I heard her enter the bathroom. Until it gets a little to quiet. Upon inspection of this ominous silence I find a baby stuck with at least one foot, a leg or two, and a butt immersed in the toilet! Thankfully it's awful hard to get to the water in these toilets, but nonetheless, it does not make for a clean experience.

Someday soon she will be trained as there is certainly an interest in her bodily fluids, which is marked by the overturned diaper bin and litter of opened diapers scattered along the trail of brown finger paints along the doorways and hall floor.

And if that wasn't bad enough for her to get into, she's become increasingly obsessed with her fathers bike chain. It started as simply as just toying with the individual chain links and then wiping her blackened and greasy fingers on her white trousers. (Who here has ever tried to get this stain out? Note the word "tried"!) Then I'd find her sneaking through the cracked open door of the bike shed and spending minute after minute in quiet fascination while running her hands along the freshly oiled and smooth chain; again to wipe them on her pretty pink floral Hannah Anderson one-piece. But I was unprepared to spot her caressing the chain with mouth yesterday as the bike awaited our tour of the park! What was Mr. Monkey's response? "She must be deficient in something." Anyone got a reply to that one?

Now for my moment of utter terror. I had been downloading a txt. file of all the addresses we wanted to send postcards too from the laptop to my cellphone and had left the USB cord still dangling from the side of the computer after I had finished. This did not bother me much as I had not yet left my comfy seat on the couch while I downloaded some new music off of the internet (THANKS, Daphne; now I'm addicted to Limewire!). The Screech Monkey had found the other end of my phones USB cord and was checking it out with extreme curiosity. I was in deep concentration with the downloads and a couple other online activities, like any other natural human multi-tasker, and registered her interest in the cord with only mild concern, eventually accessing the risk of her behavior as harmless. I had forgotten about the fact that there were some very interesting little sockets in the back of the laptop (extra USB ports) that would grab a toddlers attention. The memory of these was not hard to recall in the split second it took for her to loop the phones USB cable from one port to the other and the computer spontaneously stopped. "Screech! You killed the computer!!!" The $1000 box sat on my lap lifeless. No attempt to resuscitate it succeeded and it sat awaiting it's maker. Until the next best thing came home, pulled the battery painlessly from its back, shoved it back in, and hit the power button. I had to take down the awaiting lynch, for my baby came back to life. And the other baby would live to strike again . . .

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